


I don't want to see the numbers, I want to see heaven

by Lilaclynn8



Category: Baseball RPF
Genre: Breakup, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-29
Updated: 2015-12-29
Packaged: 2018-05-10 07:08:39
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,392
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5575981
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lilaclynn8/pseuds/Lilaclynn8
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Title from "Money On My Mind" by Sam Smith</p>
    </blockquote>





	I don't want to see the numbers, I want to see heaven

**Author's Note:**

> Title from "Money On My Mind" by Sam Smith

When Cole came up in 2006 he wouldn't approach Chase. Chase was a beautiful and intense man. Cole was just a shy rookie. They were both undeniably attractive California boys.

After Cole's first game against the Cincinnati Reds, the team congratulated him. Cole pitched five scoreless innings, allowing only one hit while striking out seven and walking five. Jimmy Rollins told him if he kept it up, he'd be a part of the team for a long time to come. Chase told him not to walk so many batters. 

After that exchange, Cole found himself avoiding Chase after losses that he pitched in. For some reason, Cole didn't want to disappoint Chase. Of course he cared about not disappointing the rest of the team, but it was different for Chase. 

Chase found himself captivated by the young rookie. Cole had such a quiet demeanor off the field, but was an unstoppable force on it, and showed flashes of becoming an ace already. Chase watched him intently on the mound and wanted to know more about the rookie. 

That October found the Phillies out of the playoffs. Before the players set off for their offseason homes, Ryan Howard decided to throw a party for the team at his home.  
Cole and Chase had been drinking, and opted to share a cab home, as they lived in the same building.  
Chase leaned on Cole and grabbed his thigh.  
"I--" Cole started to say before Chase stopped him. Chase sucked on his neck, listening to Cole's moans.  
Chase walked him in the building. Cole didn't remember why he agreed to stay in Chase's apartment, except that it felt right.  
It was Cole's first time with another man. They exchanged clumsy hand jobs before falling asleep in Chase's bed.  
Cole left before Chase woke up in the morning.

The 2007 season found the boys even more awkward together. Neither of them would talk about how last season ended. At least until May 18th. After a game against the Nationals, Chase cornered the pitcher in the empty locker room.

"We should talk." Chase said.  
"About?"  
"I think you know. You've got a crush on me."  
"What? You kissed me first that night!" Cole shouted.  
"Christ, keep it down. I kissed you... I don't know why. But that's no reason we couldn't have been talking normally afterwards. Except that it made you uncomfortable because of your crush." Chase explained.  
Cole was silent because, well, Chase wasn't wrong. Cole didn't want to deal with the feelings, so he told himself that it was just a one time thing.  
Neither of them realized how close they were standing until they were practically touching. This time, Cole kissed first.  
Hours later, they lied together in Chase's bed. Cole's mind was racing with his feelings and the feel of Chase's warm skin. Chase drifted of to sleep with Cole wrapped in his arms.

By 2008, Cole and Chase were basically in a relationship, but it wasn't official. They had been hooking up for over a year when the 2008 All Star Break hit. Chase was the starting second baseman in the game, but Cole didn't make it. Instead Cole came to New York with Chase and watched from the stands. In a New York hotel room, Cole asked Chase to be his boyfriend.

They kept their relationship under tight wraps. Jimmy Rollins had found out, but swore himself to secrecy. They were sure other teammates were suspicious, but they either didn't care or pretended not to.

The playoffs that year saw the team stronger than ever. After the NLCS, where Cole was named MVP, the two found a closet in the depths of Dodger Stadium. They cried and clung on to each other. That night, Chase told Cole he loved him.

On October 29th, when they captured the World Series Championship and Cole was again named MVP, it took all Chase had to not kiss him right on the field. 

2015 held a bad season for the Phillies. Bad may even be too lenient. The season would be horrendous; the team was projected to lose over 100 games, but escaped with 99 losses. 

Chase was 36 and Cole 31. They had been playing together for 9 years, and dating for 7. By mid season, Cole was the center of many trade rumors. As much as he loved Philly, he wanted to win, and only had a partial no-trade clause. The odds of Cole finishing the season as a Phillie were incredibly slim. 

Chase knew that all too well. Chase landed on the disabled list with an ankle injury in June. He agonized over the time he was missing, not only because he wanted to play, but because he was missing time with Cole. 

In late July, Chase returned to the team. He traveled with them to Chicago for a 3 game series against the Cubs. On the 25th, Cole took the mound against Jake Arrieta, who would become the National League Cy Young winner at the end of the season. Knowing it could be his last start as a Phillie, he wanted to leave it all out on the field.

In 137 pitches, Cole threw a no-hitter, the first of his career. 

After the final out, he was hugged by Carlos Ruiz and Ryan Howard. A photo of the hug surfaced after the game. Chase didn't let Cole see, but he cried when he saw the photo. He was the only one missing of the remaining 4 players from the 2008 team, and it was one of the most important events in his boyfriend's life. 

Cole and Chase went back to their hotel room that night and fell asleep. Chase broke up with him the next morning.

A week after the no-hitter, Cole would be traded to the Texas Rangers. Chase tried to get in touch with him, but Cole ignored his calls.

Chase was traded to the Los Angeles Dodgers in mid-August. Shortly after the trade, he and Jimmy Rollins sat up one night and talked about the Phillies. Jimmy was careful to not bring up Cole, and Chase was thankful he didn't.

In 2016, Cole held a 2.31 ERA by the All Star break. Chase was batting .299 with 11 home runs; a remarkable turn around from an abysmal 2015. They were both selected for the All Star game in San Diego. 

In San Diego, the two met in the halls of Petco Park.  
"Hey." Cole said quietly.  
"Oh, hey." Chase replied, looking at the ground.  
"Can...can we talk?"  
"Yeah, okay." Chase agreed. They walked into an empty room and shut the door.  
"I've missed you, Chase," Cole told him.  
Chase didn't answer.  
"Why did you break up with me like that? Just fucking leave me with no warning?"  
"Listen, it was for your own good." Chase muttered.  
"My own good? What good did it do me?" Cole raised his voice.  
"What does it matter?"  
"You broke my fucking heart. I think that matters."  
"You're right. I'm sorry." Chase still couldn't look Cole in the eyes.  
"Why did you do it though?"  
"You were about to be traded,"  
Cole gave him a puzzled look.  
"I panicked. Remember when Ian Kennedy got traded to the Padres? It got out that he and A.J. Pollock were together. Then when he got to the Padres he started cheating." Chase explained.  
"You thought I would cheat on you?"  
"No, I just, I panicked. I trusted you but I freaked myself out. Remember what I told you after the NLCS in 2008?"  
"'I love you' --I'd never forget that night."  
"Well, I still love you. And it was a dumb thing to do to you. You deserve better."  
"Yeah." Cole said meekly.  
Chase finally met Cole's eyes. Tears welled up in his eyes. Chase stepped closer and kissed him.  
"You know, maybe we were right to go our separate ways." Cole whispered.  
"You don't mean that. You can't."  
"I think I do. It was a different time in our lives. I still love you too, Chase. But maybe our relationship ran its course." Cole's voice broke.  
Chase stood silently.  
"We should go, man. I'm sorry." Cole said.  
"No, this is my fault. I wish things would've gone differently." Chase told him.  
"Me too."  
Cole leaned in to kiss Chase one final time.

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first fic, and I'd really appreciate any ideas you might have to improve my work. Thanks for reading!
> 
> Also, here is a link to the post-no-hitter photo I mentioned: http://www.csnphilly.com/sites/csnphilly/files/styles/gallery_slide/public/usa-cole-hamels-ryan-howard-carlos-ruiz_1.jpg?itok=IkPV-Gic


End file.
